Archives for October 2014

Live. Love. Loss.

big papa and I

swan fam

when you awakenLife is such a funny thing. You live, you grow, you meet people who will shape you, make you, bend and break you. At some point those people fade, they come and go, you gain friends, you lose, and eventually there comes a time of permanence. Life and Death. It’s just so funny to me.

I grew up truly believing my heart would literally explode without my family, if I had to suffer the loss of any one of them, stemming from my grandparents on, there would be absolutely no way life could or would be able to continue, at least happily. I dreamed and prayed and prayed that both of my grandmas and both of my grandpas would be present for my high school graduation and for my wedding day. These were big events that I had set as eventual goals, not “what if’s” but “when these days happen, i must have them all present.” The thought of reaching and accomplishing either without them made me nauseated.

As I grew up, I realized how absolutely lucky I was to have them. I was extra lucky because throughout high school I was always using written notes to excuse my sister and myself from school, and my grandparents all probably died about 5 times over throughout the course of 3 years. (I always prayed and apologized to God, but you know.. he understood I hated math class and PE-for the simple fact that I had to be sweaty and disgusting for the last hour of the day.)
Yet, Here I am at the age of 29 and I’m just now having to handle any sort of loss. Yoga and life in general have helped create a shift in my thought process, but I am thankful that loss waited on me to grow and realize that life wasn’t really over. There was no indefinite permanence to exist, only here in the physical world. I have come to realize that I will probably have them around me more after they are gone then while they are here. So I am OK with the plan that has been created.

No, it’s never easy to say good bye, it’s never something you WANT or wish to happen. It is simply acceptance and allowing life to be as it is without trying to figure out the why. Our society is so focused and fixated on that little word. There must be an explanation as to why them? Why not me? Why Now? Why This way? We have religion, we have our own belief systems to get us through the difficult times because it helps us cope. The reality is, is that you can wallow in it and choose sadness for eternity, or you can mourn the loss, cry, and celebrate their life as they lived it. No matter the cause of death, no matter how horrific or how peaceful, it is all as it should be. Always.

So embrace the beauty of what is, be happy for memories and enjoy those who are around you now, because those are truly the things they will want you to remember when their soul parts from their physical shell. I Have always felt honored to meet new people, to meet the parents and grandparents of my friends because these are the people who have made my friends into the people I have come to love.

Tonight I am feeling grateful, I am feeling loved, and I am feeling honored to have some of the most incredible people in my life. I treasure each of you beyond measure. So whether I speak with you every day or not, see you often or not, the point is moot because my heart is beyond happy, please know that I keep a special place in my heart for each of you, and perhaps make space for those who are to come and for those who have come and gone in your past because hatred and anger, love and happiness, either way these people made an impact on you one way or another. Gratitude is the key here. Use it, live in it. Thank you for shaping me Grandma and Grandpa x2, mom and dad, all of my aunts and uncles and cousins. And to my friends who I just love more than life. Thank you 🙂
Live. Love. Be.

lil g and g 2


tc family

swan fam

sar courty and me

running fam

runnin w buschels


mosers martz

lil sis sarah

lil g and g

lil g and doods

jody april

jas and dre fam

grad 2010

fortoon wed

family july 14

family chica



eyes closed

court and i

color run gma gpa

bridal party 14

brenda surprise


big papa and I

barsha love

baby norah

b and me

Switchin’ it up.


So I did it.

After switching up my workout routine and increasing the intensity by .. a ton, my sweet vegan diet was just not cutting it. Let me start by saying, I truly believe that if you want to save the planet, go vegan. If it was easy to maintain such a diet along with my workouts, I absolutely would, and I have tried.

As you know I’ve been contemplating the reintroduction of eggs in to my diet for a little while. And after noticing a significant increase in calories burned, I also noticed that I was constantly hungry, which is great, except when vegan, the majority of foods available are high in both carbohydrates and fat content.

Yes both carbs and fats are extremely critical for a well balanced diet and a happy body, but those are much easier to obtain as opposed to protein, which is hard to come by in the vegan world.

After a few weeks of this I finally sat down and spoke with one of my trainers and he said to me, “well. We need to find you something that is really high in protein and low in both carbs and fat, and when you find that magical ‘thing,’ let me know.” That was pretty much all I needed to hear to know a change was necessary. It was also that I would not be able to maintain, nor would I achieve the results I was so hopeful for without supplementing my body with what it was begging me for.

So JUST this week I added in a pure, UNdenatured, 99% lactose free, natural whey protein. Just one scoop is 18 grams of protein with 1.5 grams of fat and 2 grams of carbs. BAM.

By just adding this one scoop to my daily food log, I started losing weight like magic. And no, I don’t mean like 10 pounds, but I mean 3 pounds in only 3 days. I don’t expect this to be the norm, I know my body is just eating up exactly what it needs because it has been pretty deprived for so many months. I’m just patiently awaiting my body to balance out so I will know what the next step will be.

I also decided to add eggs back in to my diet. I’m not sure if I am ready for that yet… so stand by. One thing at a time…

The moral of the story, in order to stand by my diet and beliefs to the best of my ability while feeding my body the appropriate balance of macro nutrients. A little tweak here and there won’t kill you and I don’t have to give in to eating meat (a sentence I never ever thought I’d ever write).

I used to be a full blown carnivore, but the way it made me feel was never clean, light or healthy.

So a scoop of protein to my normal meal replacement shakes, I feel good. My body is happy, it recovers quickly, and with PCOS any good change is amazing. I can’t tell you how happy I feel right here right now.

I will do a better job of updating more regularly, and with this fitness/nutrition challenge, I’ll be sharing more results on what is working for me and what isn’t. For those with PCOS, you understand the frustrations that accompany it, there is never one sure thing that will work for all of us, so it’s about researching and paying attention to your body as you change things little by little. riseandenergizeheader

For any information on what I”m doing and changes that I have made in my diet and exercise routine, feel free to ask or email me and I would be happy to share!

Happy Sunday Eve!