Archives for January 2017

Hello sunshine!

onlydeadfishgowiththeflowI have been asked pretty frequently lately about what my ‘big’ plans are for 2017.
I find that funny. I have a lot of big plans, but I have no idea what they are. I still peer out of the window of reality and see space, a lot of wide open space. I don’t mean that in a negative way, but in a way of holy= the possibilities are limitless.

I find irony in how growing up I was so set on getting married by a certain age.. oh society.   You know, doing all of that house wife and work thing… Then I arrived there at 22 years old…… and achieved none of that- I’m good at loving and that’s about it.  Today I am just so curious as to why everyone races into that space of life, including myself. I wanted nothing more than to get married. The end. I didn’t want kids, I wanted a little dog, a cute house and my perfect husband who would be my best friend and we would do everything I wanted and everything he wanted, together, for all of eternity.

THAT was super! Except after a couple of years I began to feel like a gold fish in a small bowl. You can’t grow when you aren’t given the opportunity to swim and thrive in a bigger space. Ever seen a goldfish in a lake? Me either, but I have seen some massive koi fish with their kissy lips bobbing at the surface of larger bodies of water. Those aren’t any tiny gold fish. The only way I could describe my experience goes a little something like this: I felt like I was in this box and I kept trying to grow larger, but the box wouldn’t break, my head just kept hitting the top of it over and over and over. There was never any encouragement to be more. My heart eventually became heavy with grief. The mantra of “this is it.” took over and I would feel myself surrender to it. UH UH. I went back and forth and back and forth until I just could not physically hold myself back in that situation, that relationship, any longer. I couldn’t fathom the thought of waking up in 10 years wondering what I had done with my life or what could I have done if I would have just followed my heart when I knew… Always follow your heart… it knows.

So this year, I am planning on focusing on me.
-My career.  So often has this been referred to as a hobby.  I love what I do, but now that I’m not caught under this negative light or label, I feel lighter, I feel bigger, I feel like it is what I’m supposed to do without guilt, THIS is my career.  My career of choice.
-Complete my 300 hour Yoga Teacher Training~
-if I find the love of my life, so great. If I do not.. maybe next year.  This guy!  This guy is going to just grab my hand and run along side of me and when I lag, he’ll pull me forward or push from behind.  Oh.  I’m super picky now.  (BIG EYED EMOJI) but I’ll know him when I meet him.  😉
-I plan to be financially secure.
-I plan to be able to move out of Mom and Dads.. although I’m not sure why I want to move out of my parents home, they are great and yes, mom still folds my thongs.
-I plan on letting go of the humans who came and served their purpose and then gracefully, and some not so gracefully, left, some leaving a gaping hole in my heart.  Letting go is healthy.  I like it.  I’m happy to have been a piece of their life whatever that may have been to them.
-I plan on cutting back on my carb intake, as well as my sugar, but I don’t plan on changing much else as far as my diet is concerned. I like food and it’s here to stay. I eat relatively healthy, I eat way too much, but healthy none the less. Grilled chicken is my favorite food so if I could eat it with every meal I would-I usually do.
-I plan to spend most of my time working with pro athletes, I think I’m good at it. but at the same time I love my family down at trilogy and I love all of my LifeTime and Boeing yogis as well. SO I plan to keep all of them too.
-I plan on eventually running my own Yoga Teacher Training. Don’t worry I have a few years, but it’s going to happen.
-I plan on speaking publicly ….about…. whatever. I don’t know what that will look like exactly, but it’s something I would like to do.
-I plan to travel again. For those of you who know me, I spent the last 30 years of my life traveling ALL of the time. Since August, however, I have not gone ANY.WHERE. The beauty in this, is that I don’t feel the need to uproot and run. I feel perfectly planted where I am for now. Don’t get me wrong though I have a list of places I intend on visiting within the next two years:
-Hawaii
-Nashville
-Michigan
-India
-Colorado
-Oregon
-Italy
-Greece
-I would like to go to Australia for a permanent vacay..
Just to name a few.  I can dream :)!

Anyway.

-I intend to complete all of my mantras associated with every letter of the alphabet by the end of the year.
-I plan on taking care of me.
-I plan on dating me.  I have been in a relationship since I was 16.  Not all the same relationship, but I was never alone for longer than a month or two before I was in another serious relationship.  And they were all serious.  I had 2, 4 month relationships when I was 16 and then 2, two year long relationships and then a solid 11 years.  Anyway I regret nothing, but I’m happy to be here just loving me.  Until he shows up.   Then I’ll love him even harder.  “All these plans I’ve been making, have been wasted.  But Ive got plans to get to you, don’t you know, don’t you know…”
-To practice more yoga.
-To leave my phone when I’m out with friends.  I love documenting with photos, but then I’m immediately sending or posting and that’s a terrible habit.  Capture the moment if you must, but then come back to it.  So I shall.
-To impact as many humans as possible, and to leave the world a little… a lot … brighter than it was before I got here.  I am here to change the world, and change it I shall.

kiley sunshine

So for those of you wondering what I’m up to and what big change I am headed toward.. I have no idea. But it’s happening.

Cheers to 2017, to new beginnings, to new adventures, to new friends and old. 2017! I am so excited to see you, I am so excited to be right. Here. Right. Now.

stubborn about your goals

Also, my birthdate reads 32, but everything else says I'm 87. I think my grandma actually does more than I do. But here I am!

Also, my birthdate reads 32, but everything else says I’m 87. I think my grandma actually does more than I do. But here I am!

 

No Mud, No Lotus.

“No Mud, No Lotus.”-Thich Nhat Hanh

 

Right now I’m focused on self-love. Usually I’m focused on loving everyone else, and please don’t get me wrong, there is a healthy dose of both here. I am just being forced to look inward.

 

It’s the winter solstice. With that comes change, with that comes introspection and with that comes the obligatory, “slow your roll and love yourself” game.

It seems totally hippy, but how many of you are feeling exhausted? I am. Completely. I haven’t been sleeping much, I have been working out hard, and I have been eating like shit. I have not been very kind to myself lately.

 

For a few months now, I have been working with my favorite trainer, Max. “Favorite” I use the word loosely; he ruins me every single time I see him. I don’t ever choose to push myself as hard as I do when I’m with him. So last week we worked on way too many burpees. 180 (SOLID BURPEES), the rest were not counted for crap form. SO somewhere in the range of ..way over 200. Anyway, this week I have been in so much pain, the tendon deeeeeep within my pec muscle where it connects with my shoulder= jacked. My hip flexors are shot, my low back has been killing me and to top all of that off I cut my face and it looks just spectacular. Hashtag your welcome for that. Hashtag easy on the selfies. To top all of that off my water intake has been slim to none. That’s a really embarrassing statement.

 

I went to see my sweet friend and acupuncturist April for my first treatment in probably 2 years. She needled me, gua-shad me, and cupped me. I woke up the next day feeling like road kill. I skipped my workout, slept in and drank water until I couldn’t drink anymore. Two days later I went in to see my chiropractor, Dr. Janssen, who I have not seen in 3 years. ANYWAY moral of the story is I have completely neglected myself. Yes exercise and friends, the end.

 

I’m just looking over this past year and I see what I have referred to as the most challenging and the most beautiful. I just think back to what life was before 2016. I have had such an easy life, this year has tried time and time again to completely crush me. I have loved harder than I have ever loved before, I have lost, and I have cried more than I have ever cried before. I have laughed harder, I have spent more time with the people I want to spend time with, I have stayed home more than I have ever stayed home in these past few years. Every experience, every emotion I have felt more fully than I have ever before. I’m not mad, I’m just, well, new. I am brand new.

 

If you were to cut my heart open it would bleed experience. It would bleed change. I wouldn’t change it for anything because it’s something only my heart and I will ever truly understand, we experienced it together and I couldn’t be more grateful for every gray hair on my head.

 

But here we are, in my final few days before I turn 32, our final days of 2016 and I find myself grateful, I find myself turning inward, I find myself offering myself all that I need to be better in 2017.   All of the growth and now self -love and nurture, is only preparing me for the beauty that is to be. I am giddy with glee. IN the mean time. I am going to spend every waking hour loving on someone, doing something I love and eating the foods I enjoy.

 

 

Welcome 2017, I am so happy to see you!