Love.

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I know it has been a minute since I last posted, but I’m here! I’m all settled in my new cozy apartment, in my new city, all of which I have the privilege of now calling home.

I left Arizona sprinting. I couldn’t drive away fast enough. A month prior to my move I was stifling myself. I couldn’t keep myself afloat and I eventually broke. I have never felt defeat as I had in those last few weeks. It wasn’t that I was ill in anyway, then again, maybe I was. I was so focused on meeting everyone else’s needs, I had simply forgotten my own. In a sense, I had allowed myself to get lost amongst the chaos of the people who filled my life. I allowed myself to drown in the needs of others.

So-this post really has nothing to do with me, but more so an extension of myself. I know for most of you, you have seen the updates on my life over this past year. I try not to paint a picture of a perfect life. My main goal is to keep it real and to keep it simple. But for those of you who haven’t- here’s a quick overview: just over a year ago my now ex-husband and I chose to separate and eventually divorce. As much love as I have for Kasey, this decision was primitive for me. This decision was pivotal for all that was to come, all that is to come. During a marriage you can very easily see how your future is going to play out, or at least you have an idea or some projection of it. Once we separated I saw nothing. Not in a bad way, but in a scary, limitless, -the world is your oyster- kind of way.

Since then I have dated on and off. I was broken more in the relationships that followed my divorce than I probably ever had been in my marriage or relationships leading up to that. Collectively, all of my relationships, good and bad, led me to Andrew. Through all of my bullshit there stood Andrew. I met him in February of 2014. I MET him. He and I were both contractors through Boeing. He was on site 5 days a week,while I was only there for an hour at a time, three days a week at most. I saw him regularly for years before we ever actually had a real conversation. I was married, he was married, and if you meet Andrew you’ll more than likely be met with a similar vibe to the one I was met with. A distant, very business-like, no bullshit mentality. Our conversations were vague, short and sweet; Usually about work or the most significant conversation I recall was the one of him asking me if I was satisfied with the “please don’t wear shoes when using the yoga mats” sign he had posted for me. It was all business. Interestingly enough we had both married the same year(2007), divorced the same year(2016), had been working for the same company for the same amount of time, but based on the simple conversations we had, I never in a million years would have expected to be where I am with him now. Never.

So not knowing a thing about me, he started a simple conversation as he escorted me through fort knox, which we call Boeing, back to the fitness facility. He asked what I did over the weekend. This was a shock, and I was surprised he wanted to communicate so I gladly obliged; “well. I moved in with mom and dad. So at 31, that’s exciting news.” He laughed and followed it with a- “Do you mind me asking why you moved in with your parents?” I bluntly stated; “Well, my husband and I divorced, and after living with my best friend and her husband over the summer, it was just time for me to go home.” And with a simple “OK” and a head nod, that’s how the conversation ended.

Things went on as usual for another couple of months before he actually reached out via text. I was short with my response because I suspected that’s all he wanted. Eventually texting lead to him showing up at my part time job with two pints of Halo Top Ice cream. HA! Key to my heart. That’s when he opened up to me, he told me his entire story: growing up, marriage, divorce, what was next, and what was next? But that night was a night of pure resistance for me. He was hilarious and he opened up to me more than anyone has ever before, Especially spending any amount of one on one time with someone for the first time. I couldn’t believe how much he had confided in me being we had talked so little leading up to this point. I was in hysterics the entire night. I kept defaulting back to “please don’t fall for this guy, he is so not your type.” What was my type anyway? He was funny and smart and he just.. understood me, without explanation. Things were easy from that night on. I had no idea I could communicate so freely with anyone other than my very best girlfriends before he showed up.

Our texting didn’t stop, but sleep did. I stayed up every night until my eyes couldn’t stay open another second. I would wake up early just to roll over and check my phone because I knew he was up before me. As much as technology has ruined me, I am grateful for it every day. So like a 15 year old, my mornings and nights and every free moment during the days were consumed with him. He was/is the sweetest, most open, most loving man I have ever had the privilege of dating.

Regardless, I was up and down with him in the beginning because I was suffering PTSD from prior relationships. I was honest about it, I was broken and I couldn’t give him what he ultimately deserved. But he was adamant about sticking around. He stuck around. I couldn’t figure out why, and as much as I fought it, I am so thankful he did.

When you meet him, he’s quiet, he’s reserved, a thinker and very observant. He is very much the opposite of me. I love hugs and laughter and exuberant hi’s and hellos! I have forced him out of his comfort zone a lot. Without me saying anything and because He understands the importance of the humans I’ve filled my life with, he’s forced himself to greet my people with a hug rather than just a quiet hi.
He is my perfect balance.
He encourages moments when I fly, he stands by in situations when I fall. He’s always watching and absorbing. Without judgement. He notices my interactions; he notices my energy output as well as what I take in. He keeps my best interest in mind all of the time. He has my back when my energy falters. He has been the quietest of cheerleaders, he is my biggest fan. He has been the guy in the background who wants to lift me, and when I’m falling, catch me. He has been the guy who sees who I truly am good and really terrible and he has been accepting and loving of all of me. Through all the crazy, he is completely in love with all of me. He doesn’t try to manipulate or change me, he just sees me. He sneaks in to grab me when he sees me trip up a bit or pulls the food out of my hair when I am (commonly) a mess. He’s beautiful. He wants me to be me and succeed in all that it means to be me, without taking away, without standing in front me of, he just simply allows it and stands by me through all of it.

I moved to Colorado leaving his heart in shambles, but never once did he try to stop me. Were there moments of defeat and doubt? 1000’s, on both ends. Not in the giving up sort of way, but the “Why are you leaving me?” sort of way. Rightfully so. He was watching me drown in Phoenix, and beyond his wants and needs, instead of bailing, he jumped in the deep end and swam beside me. He kept my head above water. He kept me breathing until I could leave Arizona, until I could breathe on my own, he was breathing for me. Colorado brought me a sense of renewal. He is suffering because of my decision, but he has never wavered. Times have been exhausting and trying, but it has built us stronger than ever.

I am writing all of this because people tend to be judgmental. I have allowed their judgement to cloud my own. I am here in Colorado because deep down inside of me I knew I needed this. I needed to escape and start over. I am here because the people who love me the most believed in me and supported me. Andrew was my main pillar through that. He could have easily tried to sabotage this experience. He could have made this decision harder on me than it ever was, but he chose not to. Yea, we struggle. Long Distance is crap. But he chooses me, he chooses to love me every single day, harder than I have ever been loved before. Through all of this I can’t help but love him even harder right back. He loves me, he builds me, he throws me over his shoulders when I can’t walk on my own and he carries me. He looks at me, he sees me and with tears running down his face he tells me how much I mean to him. He writes me poems and love letters; he plays the “I am grateful for…” game with me every day. When I’m unbalanced and unsure he encourages me to listen to my clearings from My mama Maly, to work on my letter declarations, to string malas and if he can in any way support me, he does. He snuggles me, he hugs me hard and in public he is never afraid to grab my hand, my waist or my face to kiss it. He tells me how much he loves me every moment he gets. He is exactly as my best friend Sam describes him; a Nicholas Sparks movie. He is so unreal I often times find myself waiting for something to go wrong. Truth, He is difficult and stubborn at times, but so am I. Regardless of the mess we create he sticks by me and loves me through and through-he loves All of me.
I could go on and on here, but I haven’t even touched on my favorite thing about him.. or better yet, my favorite extension of him; his son, Lincoln. My love for Andrew is great, but my love for Lincoln is borderline greater.

The idea of dating a man with children was a terrifying yet potential reality, but in my mind it was always a hard ‘no’ .. before I found Andrew anyway. Lincoln has squeezed my heart like I have never been squeezed before and all of my reservations on dating someone with children were immediately squashed. He is the most brilliant tiny human I have ever encountered and he loves more purely than anyone I have ever met. He just gives it. Lincoln is just like me in that sense. His dad is silent and reserved, while Lincoln is open and social and befriends everyone he comes in to contact with. If the world operated more like free spirited 5 year old’s and puppies, the world would be over flowing with the greatest love.

I will leave it at that for now. As the Rockies turn bright pink from the reflection of the sunrise, I find myself grateful on this bright day in May. And I felt the world should know it. I love you, Andrew. I’m so happy you refused to give up on me.

“The sun always relied on the moon. She simply could not breathe without him.”

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Remember that time…

When I promised I knew big things were coming, but I hadn’t yet established what those “big things,” were…

Yea. SURPRISE! I figured it out. One was that I’m all in for everything I want to do as long as my heart is fully on board. So here we are.

“I need to move in to Denver, I just need to do it, I just have to find a roommate. I was really so disappointment when Scott didn’t get the job because I really had this feeling I was going to be with someone I knew and was familiar with. Someone I could just be myself with completely from the beginning.” -My life long Best, Sara.

“well. Why not me?”-Me

The end.

So to kick start off my 2017, I found the most amazing human to claim as mine. :::Because we all know how I love to claim my people.:::
And Then I’m bailing on him as well as my other people for a new adventure up in the Rockies. I couldn’t be more freaking excited.

I’m moving the end of April, but I”ll be back. So for all of my people… please don’t fret.

I love you. CHEERS! To new Beginnings! and CHEERS to 2017!
Side Note: I’m keeping Andrew. Don’t get it twisted.

PCOS and Dairy..

I tend to over exert myself because I like to think I can do it all.  I’m not sure if I usually run myself in to the ground because my body is just not made for anything strenuous for long periods of time, or if I just haven’t trained it to be.

Either way,  I have found myself trying to scoop my people up when they are falling.  I felt I was scooped up when I needed to be most, so I try with all my might to return the favor.  Sometimes… most times that means I’m left suffocating.  I have been fighting a cold for nearly 3 weeks.  I can feel it in my lymph, it hurts to swallow and I finally woke up broken.  I’ll be fine, it was just a reminder that I’m good at neglecting myself.  Anyway!

The neglect led me back to many-a-doctors including my gynecologist.  I want to touch on this because I haven’t been super focused on my PCOS, which seems to be so common these days, I kind of steered away from it.  I get this excuse a lot from members and students alike;  “I Have PCOS so I can’t…” bull shit.  Anyway I understand we all function differently, but we have every opportunity to control the things we CAN control.  Example one: our food intake.  this is crucial.  I have been relatively great about what I eat.  Regardless of my portion control issues (I am -as previously stated in multiple posts) an over eater.  But I am also an exercise fanatic.  Do I believe my way is the best and healthiest way?  Absolutely not.  But I am also very aware of how my body functions with what I put in it VS how much I burn on a daily basis.

My favorite quote about grocery shopping aside from “ALLLL THE FOOD!!!!” is “90% of the healthiest foods can be found on the perimeter of the store.”  including the Safeway on Baseline and Ellsworth, there’s a ton of wine on one entire wall. ;P  I digress.

The point is, is that if you want to treat yourself to something, treat yourself to a healthier option.  I was able to stabilize my hormones with the simple combination of acupuncture and yoga.  My diet is mostly gluten free (I would say 98% of it),  I love sugar, but this causes plenty of additional issues.  So dark.dark chocolate, ALWAYS dairy free. ALWAYS.  If there is one dietary suggestion I could give for those of you with and even those of you WITHOUT PCOS, try your best to avoid dairy.  This is tricky because it’s in a lot of foods.  Read your labels.  Dairy products can screw with your hormones and with PCOS, we are a walking hormone imbalance as is.  The source of our dairy: cows, are typically given hormones and antibiotics to produce more milk than they would naturally.  In general dairy is an inflammatory so even if you don’t think you have a sensitivity to it, try removing it for a few weeks and you’ll probably be able to breathe better, your skin may clear up if acne is an issue and brain fog may dissipate.  It’s not magic, it’s just not natural.

There are certain cheeses that may be a better alternative even if they are dairy: Goat cheese, ricotta and even sheeps milk is sometimes ok.  It’s a better option anyway.  Otherwise there are additional milk options:  Almond milk, coconut milk (delicious), flaxseed, hemp, on and on and on.  You are not lacking in options these days, THAT is for sure.  So for those of you who have just been recently diagnosed with polycyctic Ovarian Syndrome, don’t fret.  This is the time to have it.  When I was diagnosed I couldn’t find any dairy substitutes, I got you.

So for your first tip.  Remove the dairy, remove gluten … see how you feel after 21 days.

I have in addition to a trip to my gyno, I have been seeing my Maly;she provides acupressure, she balances me, clears me and saves me really.  I have finally gotten back in to see my favorite acupuncturist of all time, April.  She’s also part of my army of my pursuit of happiness and grace.  If you need either of their numbers I only ask that you bribe me with rotisserie chicken and avocado… then.. and only then will I consider dishing you the goods.  I work out and I’m working on sleep.  We will refocus on the importance of sleep in another post, but for now.  (all hands in) NON DAIRY ON 3! 1-2-3! NON DAIRY!

 

 

 

Hello sunshine!

onlydeadfishgowiththeflowI have been asked pretty frequently lately about what my ‘big’ plans are for 2017.
I find that funny. I have a lot of big plans, but I have no idea what they are. I still peer out of the window of reality and see space, a lot of wide open space. I don’t mean that in a negative way, but in a way of holy= the possibilities are limitless.

I find irony in how growing up I was so set on getting married by a certain age.. oh society.   You know, doing all of that house wife and work thing… Then I arrived there at 22 years old…… and achieved none of that- I’m good at loving and that’s about it.  Today I am just so curious as to why everyone races into that space of life, including myself. I wanted nothing more than to get married. The end. I didn’t want kids, I wanted a little dog, a cute house and my perfect husband who would be my best friend and we would do everything I wanted and everything he wanted, together, for all of eternity.

THAT was super! Except after a couple of years I began to feel like a gold fish in a small bowl. You can’t grow when you aren’t given the opportunity to swim and thrive in a bigger space. Ever seen a goldfish in a lake? Me either, but I have seen some massive koi fish with their kissy lips bobbing at the surface of larger bodies of water. Those aren’t any tiny gold fish. The only way I could describe my experience goes a little something like this: I felt like I was in this box and I kept trying to grow larger, but the box wouldn’t break, my head just kept hitting the top of it over and over and over. There was never any encouragement to be more. My heart eventually became heavy with grief. The mantra of “this is it.” took over and I would feel myself surrender to it. UH UH. I went back and forth and back and forth until I just could not physically hold myself back in that situation, that relationship, any longer. I couldn’t fathom the thought of waking up in 10 years wondering what I had done with my life or what could I have done if I would have just followed my heart when I knew… Always follow your heart… it knows.

So this year, I am planning on focusing on me.
-My career.  So often has this been referred to as a hobby.  I love what I do, but now that I’m not caught under this negative light or label, I feel lighter, I feel bigger, I feel like it is what I’m supposed to do without guilt, THIS is my career.  My career of choice.
-Complete my 300 hour Yoga Teacher Training~
-if I find the love of my life, so great. If I do not.. maybe next year.  This guy!  This guy is going to just grab my hand and run along side of me and when I lag, he’ll pull me forward or push from behind.  Oh.  I’m super picky now.  (BIG EYED EMOJI) but I’ll know him when I meet him.  😉
-I plan to be financially secure.
-I plan to be able to move out of Mom and Dads.. although I’m not sure why I want to move out of my parents home, they are great and yes, mom still folds my thongs.
-I plan on letting go of the humans who came and served their purpose and then gracefully, and some not so gracefully, left, some leaving a gaping hole in my heart.  Letting go is healthy.  I like it.  I’m happy to have been a piece of their life whatever that may have been to them.
-I plan on cutting back on my carb intake, as well as my sugar, but I don’t plan on changing much else as far as my diet is concerned. I like food and it’s here to stay. I eat relatively healthy, I eat way too much, but healthy none the less. Grilled chicken is my favorite food so if I could eat it with every meal I would-I usually do.
-I plan to spend most of my time working with pro athletes, I think I’m good at it. but at the same time I love my family down at trilogy and I love all of my LifeTime and Boeing yogis as well. SO I plan to keep all of them too.
-I plan on eventually running my own Yoga Teacher Training. Don’t worry I have a few years, but it’s going to happen.
-I plan on speaking publicly ….about…. whatever. I don’t know what that will look like exactly, but it’s something I would like to do.
-I plan to travel again. For those of you who know me, I spent the last 30 years of my life traveling ALL of the time. Since August, however, I have not gone ANY.WHERE. The beauty in this, is that I don’t feel the need to uproot and run. I feel perfectly planted where I am for now. Don’t get me wrong though I have a list of places I intend on visiting within the next two years:
-Hawaii
-Nashville
-Michigan
-India
-Colorado
-Oregon
-Italy
-Greece
-I would like to go to Australia for a permanent vacay..
Just to name a few.  I can dream :)!

Anyway.

-I intend to complete all of my mantras associated with every letter of the alphabet by the end of the year.
-I plan on taking care of me.
-I plan on dating me.  I have been in a relationship since I was 16.  Not all the same relationship, but I was never alone for longer than a month or two before I was in another serious relationship.  And they were all serious.  I had 2, 4 month relationships when I was 16 and then 2, two year long relationships and then a solid 11 years.  Anyway I regret nothing, but I’m happy to be here just loving me.  Until he shows up.   Then I’ll love him even harder.  “All these plans I’ve been making, have been wasted.  But Ive got plans to get to you, don’t you know, don’t you know…”
-To practice more yoga.
-To leave my phone when I’m out with friends.  I love documenting with photos, but then I’m immediately sending or posting and that’s a terrible habit.  Capture the moment if you must, but then come back to it.  So I shall.
-To impact as many humans as possible, and to leave the world a little… a lot … brighter than it was before I got here.  I am here to change the world, and change it I shall.

kiley sunshine

So for those of you wondering what I’m up to and what big change I am headed toward.. I have no idea. But it’s happening.

Cheers to 2017, to new beginnings, to new adventures, to new friends and old. 2017! I am so excited to see you, I am so excited to be right. Here. Right. Now.

stubborn about your goals

Also, my birthdate reads 32, but everything else says I'm 87. I think my grandma actually does more than I do. But here I am!

Also, my birthdate reads 32, but everything else says I’m 87. I think my grandma actually does more than I do. But here I am!

 

No Mud, No Lotus.

“No Mud, No Lotus.”-Thich Nhat Hanh

 

Right now I’m focused on self-love. Usually I’m focused on loving everyone else, and please don’t get me wrong, there is a healthy dose of both here. I am just being forced to look inward.

 

It’s the winter solstice. With that comes change, with that comes introspection and with that comes the obligatory, “slow your roll and love yourself” game.

It seems totally hippy, but how many of you are feeling exhausted? I am. Completely. I haven’t been sleeping much, I have been working out hard, and I have been eating like shit. I have not been very kind to myself lately.

 

For a few months now, I have been working with my favorite trainer, Max. “Favorite” I use the word loosely; he ruins me every single time I see him. I don’t ever choose to push myself as hard as I do when I’m with him. So last week we worked on way too many burpees. 180 (SOLID BURPEES), the rest were not counted for crap form. SO somewhere in the range of ..way over 200. Anyway, this week I have been in so much pain, the tendon deeeeeep within my pec muscle where it connects with my shoulder= jacked. My hip flexors are shot, my low back has been killing me and to top all of that off I cut my face and it looks just spectacular. Hashtag your welcome for that. Hashtag easy on the selfies. To top all of that off my water intake has been slim to none. That’s a really embarrassing statement.

 

I went to see my sweet friend and acupuncturist April for my first treatment in probably 2 years. She needled me, gua-shad me, and cupped me. I woke up the next day feeling like road kill. I skipped my workout, slept in and drank water until I couldn’t drink anymore. Two days later I went in to see my chiropractor, Dr. Janssen, who I have not seen in 3 years. ANYWAY moral of the story is I have completely neglected myself. Yes exercise and friends, the end.

 

I’m just looking over this past year and I see what I have referred to as the most challenging and the most beautiful. I just think back to what life was before 2016. I have had such an easy life, this year has tried time and time again to completely crush me. I have loved harder than I have ever loved before, I have lost, and I have cried more than I have ever cried before. I have laughed harder, I have spent more time with the people I want to spend time with, I have stayed home more than I have ever stayed home in these past few years. Every experience, every emotion I have felt more fully than I have ever before. I’m not mad, I’m just, well, new. I am brand new.

 

If you were to cut my heart open it would bleed experience. It would bleed change. I wouldn’t change it for anything because it’s something only my heart and I will ever truly understand, we experienced it together and I couldn’t be more grateful for every gray hair on my head.

 

But here we are, in my final few days before I turn 32, our final days of 2016 and I find myself grateful, I find myself turning inward, I find myself offering myself all that I need to be better in 2017.   All of the growth and now self -love and nurture, is only preparing me for the beauty that is to be. I am giddy with glee. IN the mean time. I am going to spend every waking hour loving on someone, doing something I love and eating the foods I enjoy.

 

 

Welcome 2017, I am so happy to see you!

 

Holy. Weekend.

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November 6, 2010 I completed my TRX Certification,

November 5, 2011, I completed and passed my NASM Personal Training certification.

In 2011 at this time I was also in Yoga Teacher Training and it completely changed my life forever.

This past weekend, November 5 and 6, 2016 I accomplished what I would consider to be, one of the most difficult things I have ever done.  I spent both days at Shambhala, working through “The Art of Being Human” part 1.  Which means there are 4 more parts to this phenomena.

I spent the weekend with Britney and a room full of strangers; all of whome never actually felt like strangers at all;  sitting on a cushion to meditate intertwined with walking meditation, some short yoga sequences, my mind, and a couple of meals. I’m always eating.  There was a lot of significance to this weekend.  One. I spent it with a dear friend from Yoga Teacher Training.  Two. our guru, our teacher TrainER was one of our teachers this weekend.  He has been one of the most incredible, most influential human beings of my lifetime and to have had him for another life shift is just beyond,  I have such a love for him.  Three, I had to sit with myself and breathe and think and breathe and feel.  I’m a good thinker and feeler, and I’m great at journaling and letting everyone else know how I think and feel, but I still had to deal with a LOT of thinking and feeling.

I have spent many of moments in meditation, but it has been a long while since I last meditated and I have never sat for longer than 30 minutes in one sitting. This was a weekend of meditation.   Emphasis on weekend.  20 minutes of sitting followed by 10 minutes of walking meditation followed by 20 minutes of sitting, … repeat. Repeat. repeat.  I had to be quiet.  I had to adjust my posture frequently (especially day two) because my back had zero support and it was getting really tired.  I had to stretch out whenever I could, I had to keep my hips from giving out on me, I had to continually pull myself back to my breath.  Continually.  Then again, THAT is meditation.

But we are constantly thinking right? So thoughts come, we watch them, acknowledge them and then we either let them pull us in, or we let them go as soon as we see them.  Either way there is no right or wrong way to go about it.  You just let everything simply be without fighting it, bring yourself back to your breath when you are able and eventually you just dive so deep in to yourself that thoughts don’t invade your state of mind.  Here are just a few thoughts that invaded my mind on and off this weekend.

-are my toes getting shorter?
-There are horses in the wood floor
-This wood floor isn’t actually wood because this pattern repeats itself, they flipped every piece so most people wouldn’t notice.  Sneaky bastards.
-I wonder if wood flooring would be the best thing to help ground yourself.  I think bamboo is easy to grow so I wouldn’t be ruining the rainforest by using bamboo wood for my next home.
-I swear if I have to look at this flower patter for one more minute…
-That cat.  Who named that cat?
-I wonder if they forgot to watch the time?  I have been sitting here for a long time.
-certain somebody—chest pain .. why does my heart hurt?  Watch. Watch. watch, breathe. Breathe. breathe. Sigh. Relief.
-My toes are DEFINITELy getting shorter.  Is this because of yoga?
-My funeral; I wonder who is going to show up, will they cry?  Oh they are crying.  I wonder who will speak and what they will say?  I hope when I die I have done amazing things and I impact a lot of people in a positive way along the way.  Oh people are still crying.  #wellthatssemidark
-My hair is everywhere, should I announce my apologies to the room and then note that it is a parting gift from me and a souvenir from the weekend?  Perhaps…that would be inappropriate. -I think I’m good at this.  Oh yes, Really good, breathe.
-i breathe in, I breathe out.  I Inhale, I exhale.
-Om Gam Ganapataye Namaha.
-That is so funny that Brit gave the outlet eyelashes?
-More chest pain. -I hope Brit is OK, she’s shifting a lot.  Can I reach out and hug her?  No probably not, this is supposed to be about me and my crap.  But I think she needs me to hug her.  She hates hugs.  But she’ll accept my hugs.  I force my love on her.  Ok breathe breathe. breathe.
-I think I’m going to fall asleep for a minute.  I think I fell asleep. I hope we get nap time.
-He has MOST DEFINITELY forgotten what time we started this sit.  I think we have been here for 3 hours now.
-Breathe
-Great Eastern Sun
-My Doppelganger is on the wall. (it’s an angry lion) Do not laugh. DO NOT laugh.

By the end of the weekend I wanted to lose. My. Mind. I was in pain physically, I was drained mentally I was emotionally exhausted and I was hungry.  I’m always hungry, but I was really hungry after all of that.

I went home with the mindset of; “I should not be around anyone because I’m beginning to feel like I do post half marathons.. “ AKA: that- “my hormones are totally jacked up right now and I can’t process life so being still and quiet is where I need to be right now, – sensation. On top of that.. my parents, mom who I love dearly- loves playing 20 questions so I knew that could end in devastation.  But I went with it.  “Just let whatever happens, happen, Kiley.”  Epic pep talk fail.  Anyway.

This week I’m processing. A lot.  My chest feels light, but early on in the weekend it got so itchy, and then it broke out in a rash.  Brit was happy to laugh and point and express what we both knew: “AHHH Your heart chakra!!!  You’ve gotta deal with feelings!”  It was interesting.  So much emotional BS manifesting into physical is just so incredible to me.  We are incredible beings of life.  Life is just, overall interesting.

Checking in with yourself to see how you are feeling is so important.   “today I feel this.” Check in when you wake up every morning because you will always feel different.  Don’t seek negative feelings, notice everything, the good and the not so good, but without labeling any of it.  Just watch it.  You are enough.  You are perfect. It’s when we start to pick ourselves a part that our bodies start to respond physically.

So give yourself some love every day. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you’re beautiful, handsome, stunning, a stud.  Be kind, say hi to your feet, your hands, tell your mind how brilliant it is.  Tell your heart how loving it is.  This is the only body each of us are going to get in this lifetime so we might as well treat it as such.

This week I expect happiness and I expect irritability and extreme sleepiness. I don’t know what to expect really,  because I have never spent so many hours meditating in my life, especially over the span of one weekend.  So if anything insane happens, I’ll fill you in.  For now.  I will enjoy just that.  The now.

greater

 

the-beginning stuartday-2

just the day to day

kinda wanna

I cannot believe it’s October 31.  Just like every year on this date the weather finally broke and fall has arrived.

If I told you everything I have been up to, I would be beginning this entry with “Chapter 15 of 80.”  My girlfriend Sam said to me yesterday; “I feel like I miss 10 chapters of your life when I’m away from you for a single day.”  Accurate, as do I.  So much so I wish I had time to journal on the daily just to remember this time in my life.

This past week my family suffered a tragic loss of my cousins baby girl.  It was truly a tragedy.  The story was all over the news.  It was a straight up nightmare and after the funeral and memorial service was all said and done, we spent the rest of the day together.  I think it’s what we all really needed.. and on top of that I ate a box of cookies, a bag of white chocolate covered pretzels and a giantttt cupcake.  My body is so angry.  But everything in me was sad, so it didn’t matter.  It still doesn’t matter.  Just eating my emotions like a rational human.

I have been so busy I haven’t actually spent much time at home.  My room is trashed, I’ve been between houses because I have been house sitting.  My weekends disappear in to the weeks which just happen to be there to bookend them.  My mind is chaos and it’s somewhat miraculous that I’m able to keep my days straight.  Although I do walk in to my lifetime class thinking it’s the wrong day since it’s my very first class of every week and my very last.  Either way.

I spend my time working, some of it with friends and the rest of it I try to sleep.  I’m trying so hard to go with the flow and be everywhere at once, but when I get to this point, I end up falling off a cliff and landing back in hibernation… so it should be interesting with the weather change.  With the change in season, I feel a lot of change coming and to be honest I just cannot wait for this election to be here and gone.  The energy it’s creating is chaotic and it’s really messing with my qi 😉 .  However.  With the change in weather, I have accumulated a lot of new boots that are begging to be warn, so I can’t hibernate ALL winter long.

This year, the year of 2016 has continued to subtly and not so subtly try my patience.  I know it’s all for learning and I realize my life up until this year has been relatively smooth sailing, but this has been OUT OF CONTROL.  I HEAR YOU GOD-THROW ME A FRICKEN BONE HERE!

This weekend should give me a lot to write about.  So stay tuned.  I plan on being an entirely different human on the other side of it.

 

and dot dot dot.

on to the next one…

powerful

 

I’m on the downhill slide in to 32 years of life on this planet and I, at the same time, am in the process of moving home. Yea, home; in with mom and dad (town next door, remember they are the reason I live in AZ…)  Life is so cyclical.  I moved in to this same house during a huge life change- moving from little TC to big city of PHX (area) back in 2005, and now 11 years and 2 months later, I’m doing it all over again.  So there has definitely been some nastalgia with it all, except dad made my room in to a man cave and so i get to take over my sisters old room. Haha! Oh man. I’m 31, right?

My Kylie sent me this little ditty, which has been circulating the interwebs for years now, but still, it’s been on repeat in my car for the past two days.

Everybody’s Free (to wear sunscreen) Listen to it.

There is a part of me that strongly believes humility is just supposed to be the theme of 2016.  I think I’m getting the hang of it.  I have been so blessed in my life.  I have been spoiled since the day I was born, which has probably made my life harder because I’m not an overachiever in any way.

Growing up my dad asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up. I told him I wanted to be a DJ. Listening to 106KHQ in my little hometown of Traverse City, Michigan, had inspired me.  I told him; ‘they get to go to work all day and talk and laugh and have fun with each other, it doesn’t sound like a miserable work life.  I know they don’t make a lot of money, but I would love to have that kind of fun with the rest of my life and get paid to do it. ‘ His response was “Well!  OK!  As long as you do what you love, money shouldn’t ever be your driving force.”  I remember exactly where we were when he spoke those words, we were driving down 3 mile road, we were passing Parsons road, driving over the railroad tracks and T.A.R.T. trail, nearing 31.  I can see it vividly.  This was so many years ago, I honestly couldn’t tell you how old I was, but I’d bet I was half the age I am now. (Insert wide eyed, OMG, Emoji here.)

So here I am, doing what I absolutely know- without doubt, without hesitation- that I am supposed to be doing.  I am teaching yoga and loving every second of it.  I’m divorced, I am poor, I am moving home with mom and dad, and with all of this, I am THE happiest I have been in the longest time.

I was married to a really wonderful man, we built and owned some amazing homes, we drove beautiful cars, we have two perfect dogs, we traveled ALL of the time, and i am here, without any of the familiar life I once knew, Happier than I have been in such a long time.  Life is just absolutely…_______(I have no words).

How lucky am I to have two parents who are willing to open their home up to me after 11 years of living out of the ‘nest.’   As I was driving to my parents’ house yesterday; after teaching yoga to 80 yogis and yoginis (heart on fire), brunch with family, 2 hours of beach volleyball at 1:30 in the afternoon on a sunny Arizona Summer day (seriously- the one sport I had no desire to EVER play, EVER in my life- has come back to bite me in the ass), and then running home a sweaty mess to pack up half of my stuff to haul to mom and dads, Kylie sent me ‘everybody’s free.’  And I listened to it; over and over and over again.  And in that time I  realized: now is the time to spend with them.  I want to enjoy my time with them before I don’t have the opportunity to do so.  I’m not ashamed to be moving home.  Am I worried I’ll lose my mind at some point??- you betcha! But, I am more grateful and more humbled now than ever before.  I could stay with Kylie and Ryan for forever- or until they choose to kick me out, but they have a life to live too.  Even though I would prefer my life be lived intertwined with theirs for forever (really! they are two of my top favorites in all the land), I know it’s time to move forward.  You two have saved me, in so many ways.  I am forever in debt to you.

So on to Part 3 of my 2016 chapter book. It’s been a whirlwind, but it has been something incredible.  The people who have shown up for me, the support I have had, it’s all just straight out of a fairytale.  I am grateful.

Today I woke up more tired than I have been in such a long time.  Which means I slept better than I have in SUCH a long time.  With all of that, Kylie managed to drag my butt out of bed and we went to get our sweat on at OTF.  I was sore, hungry, tired and all I wanted to do was complain about it. I could not find my giddy-up, I powered through with only the urge to sleep.  OUr trainer pushed us in sprint rows, we lifted and with my eyes half open, we survived.

From there I taught a couple of classes, received love from students who I adore, really adore, was asked out on a lunch date ( eye roll emoji) and was then invited over for lunch with mom at her house, where I spent my afternoon before heading in to work. I am tired, but I Have no room to complain.

I had in my head on repeat (as I was fighting the Bs urge to sleep and complain) “Now is the time to find gratitude, now be grateful. Don’t succumb to that crap your mind is creating, it’s easy to be negative.  Just be grateful.”  So, mom bought me chocolate, I ate most of it and we went swimming. I should write some self-help books.. ‘just write down some things you are grateful for and binge on chocolate.  You’ll be solid.’  holy moly.  Although- it works for me.

Anyway. Today,  I am grateful.  I am poor, I am moving home to be with mom and dad-where I can swim any time I want, where I will be close to my running girls again (where it all started) and I will love every minute of it, because, well,  dad likes chocolate too.  Life is good.  Keep it comin’ 2016.

SIDE NOTE: Mercury goes in to retrograde tomorrow:  Miscommunication, technological breakdown etc. etc.  So hold steady and strong, take some yoga classes and keep drama to a minimum.  If you don’t believe in this, I don’t care, but check in with yourself if you become irritable, because it’s NO JOKE.  Check in with j-Ma Jordan for more on this goodness.  Try to keep it together, K?  If you feel like everything is falling apart.. well, that feeling should remain through the end of September.  HEREEEEE we go!

Oh and as far as the KETO diet goes= I’m still chugging along.  A lot of chocolate as of late, but I’m sticking to it 😉 I’m not perfect, but I’m working on being better 🙂

Thank you for your love and continued support and hugs and chocolate donations. I have the most wonderful people and I can’t give you enough of me in return.  Thank you thank you thank you.

be grateful during the shitty days.  Really. It’ll change everything.  Don’t be a victim to your past, grow from it.  enjoy the people who lift you, because you don’t know when they’ll be gone.  Every day wake with the intent of being better than you were yesterday.  Only YOU have control over you, So be the best version of you that you can be.  The world needs that.  Spend more time lifting each other up rather than competing with everyone around you, rather than cutting others down at the knees.  If you catch yourself doing this- look inward and note these just may be reflections of how you feel about yourself.  Let that shit go.  Do more yoga, meditate, breathe deeper and love more fully.   Life is short, take nothing for granted, take everything, love every day, in gratitude and eat your favorite food. A lot. (I mean maybe avoid binge eating- but don’t deprive yourself of the happy. Ok?) drink less alcohol- your body will thank you.  Workout often- sweat once a day; sweating is a way to not only detox physically, but also emotionally.  Find balance in all that you do.  And lastly, and in summary- do unto others as you would have them do unto you. #GoldenRule

 

gold is my color.

 

I love you

 

 

 

happy thoughts beam

 

Here are some highlights from my trip with my best in the Rockies.  I love Colorado, I love my Sar.

side plank mountains

collage sar and iOh I love to travel.  That’s going to stay.

 

A weekend at Camelback Inn for our Dre’s BirthDAY

dre
32 and a baby on the way! <3

Life and things and Keto and Such and Such

happiness2

Oh man! I have a million things happening in life. I can’t say that any are negative, there has just been a lot going on.
I went on a hiatus from people. I’m still trying to figure out my balance. I appreciate everyone’s love, I just on occasion feel overwhelmed. So I ebb and flow with dinners and lunch dates. I love every single one of you, so don’t get it twisted. I’m just tired. Haha!
Today my divorce is officially final, so that’s awesome. Big things have happened in that area too.  We got along better than anyone could have asked, but with that being said we have both graciously moved forward and with that space there has been room for great love.  Relationship wise- I am so full and in love with love.  I couldn’t really be any happier in this moment. I could have more sleep, but that’s on me.
In addition to that I switched some stuff up as far as my diet is concerned. I started this 3 weeks ago today.

Diet meaning lifestyle. Low carb, high fat (super high fat) and moderate carbs. It’s the Ketogenic diet. I have to say, this diet has made me realize … paleo would probably be the better option for me, HA! I love chicken and eggs, probably two of my (oddly-I know) favorite foods, but otherwise, this seems to be working out great for now. I just have a little too much protein in my diet. I have cut all processed carbohydrates, all processed sugars (this is hard, I mean… Don’t act like you don’t know how much I love cookie dough in the raw… ) and have increased my fat intake like whoa.
I wish I could post my ab progression pics, but I wasn’t taking photos to share publicly, so I’m naked in all of them and that would be highly inappropriate to share on social media and in blog posts. So I take them for me,  Kylie gets them on occasion because that’s what best friends are for, right? Her response is usually “Thank you for the porn.” Haha! So I laugh a lot. Anyway.
For more information on the keto diet, check this out: http://www.ruled.me/30-day-ketogenic-diet-plan/
It’s really awesome, I highly recommend it, especially if you have PCOS, if you are pre-diabetic or diabetic, but know that this, along with other dieting habits, it is mind over matter.  You have to want to make the choice.  Keto is much more than that though, you have to really commit or it simply won’t work.  Again check out the link above for more specifics.^^ The absence of processed carbs and sugars allows for hormone stabilization because your body is not releasing the insulin required to break it all down into glucose. Think about it, when man first walked the earth, no one was eating donuts and cookie dough (insert confused emoji here.) This diet is really just taking it back to basics. Our body survived off of fats and proteins, that’s all it needs. So the natural carbohydrates, which come from our veggies, dairy and meat sources, suffice.
Initially, I never weighed myself, I didn’t take any measurements, I snapped a few photos and I have kept that up weekly, But that’s about all. I know my body functions so much better without processed foods, so I am on this particular diet strictly for the health and happiness of it, not for weight loss, or for fitness goals, or any set goals for that matter. I chose to do it because I knew it was time for a change, and I knew it would work for me. ANd here I am.
So with that quick update, I’ll let you know how much longer I’m on the keto diet before I decide to make the switch to paleo. HAHA! I think it’s a funny joke because I’m doing SO amazingly well at eating copious amounts of protein.
More to come soon! More travel, more fun, more life. I love it all. I really do, and in the midst of the chaos and exhaustion there is always room for gratitude. Thank you for holding space for me, for supporting me and for being there for me through it all. You know who you are, you have all been incredibly generous and I am grateful.
Happy Day!

happiness 3This is how Life has been treating me recently.  I am just really, really full of love, lightness and happy.  <3

 

happiness

the things I’ve learned in 31.5 years of life.

image

I’m only 31, I’m not 90, so I have not lived but a 1/3 of my life .. maybe less than, perhaps a little more.  Either way; what I have learned in my first 31 and a half years of life and the things I carry close to me are these few things:

Appreciate the low points in life just as you do the highs.

Life isn’t always peachy, in fact there are times where we feel pretty downright crappppppppp.py. I know you’re rolling your eyes in a -“thank you for the obvious statement,” sort of way. But that isn’t my point, my point is It’s how you react and how you look at these situations, how you approach them and what you take away from them to help you get through it in the now and how  and what you become in the future. I have learned to appreciate the real deep valleys as much as I do the really high highs. I have to be honest.. My lowest wasn’t but a couple of months ago, but in addition to that never once did I say “oh whoa is me.” No, I have never been more grateful. Because in those moments I knew it was just a strength building exercise that was necessary to be where I am today. I embraced the shit as much as I could. I cried a lot. I journaled a lot, I prayed all day long. Life will always go on, and unless you choose to hold on to the really sad and depressing moments, instead of learning and growing from them, you will never be able to appreciate the firey highs. How will you ever know if you even reach a really high, high if you don’t let yourself endure and appreciate and BE in the lows. AHHHH! LIFE IS GOOD, even when life doesn’t seem to be.

Let Go.

Life is going to throw you curve balls and low balls, and high balls, hard balls and foul balls.. A lot of freaking balls.. So watch your face.

Like you think you can tell what the future is going to hold. You think you at least have an idea of what your path is going to look like.  A blueprint of sorts.  Don’t get me wrong, I completely believe in manifesting everything you want. I also believe that you have to be clear in your vision of desire and be flexible as they start to roll in one by one, because the path to get to each end goal may look completely different than what you had imagined. It’s ok to let it be fuzzy. It’s ok to let life move the way it is going to. It’s ok to let go and release that feeling of- “I must control everything that happens to and in my life.” It’s more of an adventure if you step back and watch, hang on and enjoy the ride.

So I let go.

Don’t be lazy.

Or maybe do be lazy?  It’s ok to take a breather every now and again.  Especially when life cuts you at your knees.  Breathe and chill out, but get back up.

There have been plenty of moments in my life where I have thought– “I think my life is almost over. I feel like I have done what I’m supposed to do here.” I also feel like that is me giving up and being lazy so I don’t have to work too hard to get out of this place of stagnation. The reality here is that I want to be more than who I am right now. I want to be less of the definition of inertia and more of the object that changes that stagnant mentality.

Travel.

I am who I am because I have been fortunate enough to spend my entire life traveling, thanks to my parents,  grandparents and best friends. This has always been one of MY FAVORITE things to do. It’s been the most constant thing in my life that has given me butterflies or a jump in my heart like a jolt of electricity every time I think about all that’s to come, all that’s to be experienced. What I don’t understand is why I can’t wake up to that feeling every day, because even though routine may play a huge part in it, you really never know what kind of adventure you might find yourself in.

Case and point:

Two weekends ago, my Kylie,  Ryan and I headed to the airport with the intent of spending a weekend in Denver. We were flying on standby.  We arrived at our gate only to find that everyone else had the very same idea. We sat at the little cantina across from our gate and started pondering other options. With my mom texting me back and forth we asked her if we had any other options. She asked us if we wanted to try a later flight, and we replied with a; “maybe, but where else could we go if not?”  Flights were really booked up anyway all night so, Her response was “pick a city, any city.” So as everyone standing around us in this small little restaurant started chiming in with their destinations and their input on where we should end up, I knew Ky had never been to San Francisco, and we also knew we didn’t want to be anywhere near 100 degree weather, even Denver was failing us there. So we threw out the city San Fran and mom replied with “flights are wide open there and coming home!” So after being denied seats on the 2:10 flight to Denver, we had the lovely gate agents switch our flight to the 2:45 flight to the northwest. We booked a hotel at the Wharf, I grabbed 4 cookies at Paradise Bakery and we headed to our new gate. Ryan randomly ran in to a man who went to high school with him in Utah who proceeded to drop us 6 drink tickets and we bailed on the heat. We had the best weekend! Completely unexpected and 100% spontaneous. They are two of my greatest adventurers, friends, family that I could have ever hoped for, prayed for, wished for. I would do anything for them. It’s more fun to go with the flow. Again, LET GO and expect everything to be better than you could ever imagine.

DO ALL THINGS WITH LOVE and override your damn Ego.

Who cares what anyone else thinks about you. Obviously if you are out vandalizing property or hurting others or doing terrible things- you should care, and you probably don’t.

If you are choosing to live the way you wish to live without harming anyone around you, and instead choose to build others up by just simply being the most truest version of you.. why would you care about anyone else’s opinion? You want mom and dad and your grandparents and siblings to all approve of you and be ok with who you are. If you are doing what you love, and you are doing everything you do through love, then you should let go of ego,  the little voice sitting in your mind asking you and doubting your every move: “ahh what am I doing? Who is going to judge me for that? What if they don’t like me? What if i don’t fit in? Why are they looking at me? Is it my outfit? I should be more like this or more like that person or do more things like this person.” Oh, but what if you go about your business being YOU and YOU inspire those around you by just simply being? What if? Drop your ego, you are more than that.  BE you and do all things through love. You can never go wrong when you lead with your heart.

FIND, CREATE, LOVE YOUR TRIBE. Hard. 

Your friends can be more like family than your own family can be.
My friends have become my soulmates, my confidants, these are the people I entrust with my entire life. I tell them more and rely on them more heavily than most of my family members. In fact I don’t even talk to most of my family because I don’t connect with them like I do my friends. I love them, I didn’t choose them, so I feel I have some sort of obligation to love them. I know that all sounds terrible, but my friends, my core solid group of friends, who I have known for all of my life and even some who I have known just a few years of it, have become my whole world. I am grateful and there is no guilt there for feeling any differently. I love my world. Of course my sister doubles as my sister and my best friend, my parents, they drive me literally to the verge of insanity at time, but I think that’s why they are my parents. And a few of the other odds and ends, but you get it. You can choose your family. I don’t get the saying, “you choose your friends, not your family.” You are born in to a group of people, but who says you are stuck with just those people? You can pick your family. You most definitely can. Find your tribe, love them hard and keep them extra close.

DON’T HOLD GRUDGES

People will betray you; friends, family, people you don’t even know. You may betray family or friends, by accident, on purpose.. whatever, but if you do; apologize for it and mean it. I am so guilty of being so dumb. I’m all about being my own person and when I feel a certain way so strongly I let mY words fall out of my face before I get to filter them through my brain. I have hurt plenty of people throughout my life, some intentionally, some out of pure anger or frustration, and some completely by miscommunication and using the wrong words or formulating poor sentences. The people closest to me are the people who experience the uglier side of me. I think that goes for most without saying. We don’t entrust just the good with those people, we entrust our entire selves with them. And that’s why we love them extra hard because of acceptance.  We love all of them for exactly who they are and vice versa.  We are only human we are not perfection. I don’t strive to be perfect. I can only pick myself up and learn from not only my own mistakes, but from those who have hurt me. Don’t hold grudges, don’t hold on to anger. Always forgive and let yourself be light. Heaviness is a burden and happiness is so much more fulfilling. Again, let go.

Compromise

This is part two of the last one. It’s good to have values,  morals and be who you are and be true to that,  but when you choose to live your life with someone else, spouse or friend or family, you have to realize that living situation isn’t going to be JUST about you. If you are living alone, fine, But when interacting with others, you have to think about others and consider their feelings and their morals and values as well.

I am 31 and I do not have children because I, A. haven’t always wanted my own kids, I always thought I would adopt. B. Wasn’t with someone who wanted children. C. I don’t know that I can have my own children. And D. I couldn’t wait to find someone who wanted to have kids with me. BONUS: I just wasn’t ready to sacrifice my own wants and needs for someone elses entirely. I’m not ready to give up that part of me. Or at least up until now.

I am 31, I do not have children, but I have a world full of people who mean everything to me and when I consider their feelings before going with what I want first, I know I can’t be entirely unhappy with my decisions. Always Give more than you take.

Expect Nothing.

Give whatever you choose to give without the expectation of receiving anything in return. In doing so you have given yourself permission to be at peace and the permission of feeling pure joy and happiness. You have the ability to fill yourself with all you need by giving just because you choose to. Love, happiness, contentment. You can never be disappointed when you give without expectation.

Love animals.

They are the truest example of loving fully without the expectation of receiving any love in return. I’m certain dogs were set on this earth to do nothing more than to love and protect their people. They are full of love. We are all full of love. It is the world and the outside influences that cause our opinions, behavior and thoughts to change. But we are all beings of pure light and love and it is our responsibility to see and act with love. That place is always within you, seek and you shall find. if you seek and you miss… get a dog, they are the purest and surest way to show you you are worthy of every ounce of love you are given.

Money isn’t everything.

To get anywhere in life you need money. I guess? I mean to do most things it requires money, but it does not control me in any way shape or form. I teach yoga because it makes me happier than any other job I have ever held in the 31 years of my existence. I have never felt more sure of something. Do I make a lot of money doing it? HELLLLLL to the no. Could I? Yep. I just haven’t forced myself to do more because currently I am just allowing myself time to get through these days and moments of life, I’ll be blowing it up soon. So stay tuned. In the mean time… money doesn’t motivate me. Traveling does, eating does, and working out does, people do. Money does not. Make money, pay your bills, and then live your life. If you wake up tomorrow or if you don’t, make sure today was worth it.

Manifest

I believe that if you want something bad enough, if you visualize it and pray about it and want something enough, you will have it. That’s the end of that statement. Don’t give up, don’t stop dreaming. Just know that whatever you desire you can have and you should NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER SETTLE for anything less. EVER. I can’t stress that statement enough. NEVER. SETTLE.  YOU are worth it.

Find what makes you tick, what calms you, what feeds your soul. Go there, do that, roll in that.

Live your life doing what you love, even if you mistake it for just a hobby, if it lights you up, make it into something profitable and live off of that. Find something you love, do it every day and you will never work a day in your life. You deserve that. Even if it isn’t the only thing you do, make it a part of what you do.

I can’t live without a good sweat at least 5-6 days out of the week. It is what gets me going every day. If sweating isn’t your thing, do something (healthy) for yourself that’s going to accelerate your happy: swim, knit, pet your cat, dance, drink tea and then you should definitely do yoga. <Yoga is magic and everyone should.. It’s a natural anti depressant and that’s just a tiny chip of he benefits it brings>-stepping off soap box.

Spend time with the people who matter most to you.

I love pen-to-paper, hand written notes. I love spending all of my time with people who fill my heart with joy. They refill me energetically and emotionally. Sure it can be draining, but when you give with love, you usually receive in the same way. I have handfuls of greatness when it comes to best friends and most of them are out of state. I do my best to check in often or at least somewhat often, and every time I think of them I shoot a text bc I want them to know they are always on my heart and in my mind. It takes little effort in the grand scheme of things. They are huge. You are a huge piece of my being and I don’t want you to ever doubt that. Send notes through the mail, a text an email, call, FaceTime .. Do something.  You don’t have an excuse not to.

Judge Less

Everyone is on their own journey, good, bad or ugly.  So instead of judging anyone based on their outer appearance, based on the food they are eating, the clothes they are wearing, treat them as you would like to be treated.  Treat them as very important human beings.  Because everyone is.  We are all here just trying to get through this life so support and encourage one another, build each other up, because there will come a time you will need that and they will remember how you made them feel.  Make them feel loved and make them feel important.  You are loved. You are a very important human, without you the world would be missing something and we are all connected.  So love. Hard. Judge less.

Eat good food and listen to music that fits your mood.

It doesn’t always have to be cheerful, but music which seems fitting. And food- make sure it’s always good. If you’re on a diet and you choose to try something off the restricted menu, don’t beat yourself up over it, enjoy it. Your body happily digests when you let go of the self deprecating conversations. In fact your body physically manifests the crap you are mentally feeding it.  So be kinder to yourself.  Give yourself happy pep talks.  Did you enjoy that piece of cake? Well you should have! You deserve your cake and you deserve to eat it. So live a little. Dance a lot, cry when you need to, and eat your damn cake and tell yourself it’s ok! Because you’re worth it.  Don’t let anyone else’s thoughts get in the way of your own.  You’re amazing.  Don’t ever forget that.

 

Love fully, give without expectation , and live in your truth always.

 

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