No Mud, No Lotus.

“No Mud, No Lotus.”-Thich Nhat Hanh

 

Right now I’m focused on self-love. Usually I’m focused on loving everyone else, and please don’t get me wrong, there is a healthy dose of both here. I am just being forced to look inward.

 

It’s the winter solstice. With that comes change, with that comes introspection and with that comes the obligatory, “slow your roll and love yourself” game.

It seems totally hippy, but how many of you are feeling exhausted? I am. Completely. I haven’t been sleeping much, I have been working out hard, and I have been eating like shit. I have not been very kind to myself lately.

 

For a few months now, I have been working with my favorite trainer, Max. “Favorite” I use the word loosely; he ruins me every single time I see him. I don’t ever choose to push myself as hard as I do when I’m with him. So last week we worked on way too many burpees. 180 (SOLID BURPEES), the rest were not counted for crap form. SO somewhere in the range of ..way over 200. Anyway, this week I have been in so much pain, the tendon deeeeeep within my pec muscle where it connects with my shoulder= jacked. My hip flexors are shot, my low back has been killing me and to top all of that off I cut my face and it looks just spectacular. Hashtag your welcome for that. Hashtag easy on the selfies. To top all of that off my water intake has been slim to none. That’s a really embarrassing statement.

 

I went to see my sweet friend and acupuncturist April for my first treatment in probably 2 years. She needled me, gua-shad me, and cupped me. I woke up the next day feeling like road kill. I skipped my workout, slept in and drank water until I couldn’t drink anymore. Two days later I went in to see my chiropractor, Dr. Janssen, who I have not seen in 3 years. ANYWAY moral of the story is I have completely neglected myself. Yes exercise and friends, the end.

 

I’m just looking over this past year and I see what I have referred to as the most challenging and the most beautiful. I just think back to what life was before 2016. I have had such an easy life, this year has tried time and time again to completely crush me. I have loved harder than I have ever loved before, I have lost, and I have cried more than I have ever cried before. I have laughed harder, I have spent more time with the people I want to spend time with, I have stayed home more than I have ever stayed home in these past few years. Every experience, every emotion I have felt more fully than I have ever before. I’m not mad, I’m just, well, new. I am brand new.

 

If you were to cut my heart open it would bleed experience. It would bleed change. I wouldn’t change it for anything because it’s something only my heart and I will ever truly understand, we experienced it together and I couldn’t be more grateful for every gray hair on my head.

 

But here we are, in my final few days before I turn 32, our final days of 2016 and I find myself grateful, I find myself turning inward, I find myself offering myself all that I need to be better in 2017.   All of the growth and now self -love and nurture, is only preparing me for the beauty that is to be. I am giddy with glee. IN the mean time. I am going to spend every waking hour loving on someone, doing something I love and eating the foods I enjoy.

 

 

Welcome 2017, I am so happy to see you!

 

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